Day 32 - 35: Vision

Ok. I'm sorry everyone. I've been busy and haven't been able to write. You already know all my excuses so I just won't write them out because that is pointless. I'm just sorry. :) I love you all very much and I hate to disappoint you by not writing everyday. I promise to try harder to write more often because if you are reading this then you probably actually care about me.

So I'll be honest and say that I am not totally inspired today. However, the speaker in chapel today said something crazy and I would like to quote it for you. Just as a side note, I am German. This speaker was German. But he had the crazy, thick German accent and it was pretty cool. So just imagine me telling you this in a crazy, thick German accent.

"God will honor your vision if your vision is honorable"

Pretty sweet, right? So I think to myself, what is my vision? I guess I don't know if I really have one yet. I'm working on it. Maybe not everyone needs to have their life totally sorted out. I want to just let God lead me but I'll be honest and say that it's scary sometimes.

But hey...I serve an awesome God who's got the best plan for me. I might as well try and figure out what that is and then just be crazy happy, right?

I love you guys. Thanks for reading my blog. Hope you like it. If you don't, thanks for reading anyways, even if you might want to pull your hair out. :)

Day 31: Joy

You know what, friends? I really love Liberty. So far I really enjoy all my classes and the friends I have are excellent. I just feel at peace about my life right now and I'm truly glad that I am at Liberty University.

The weather has been rainy and snowy which makes my poor little knee hurt something fierce. Early arthritis? Maybe. Just kidding. I'm fine, really. haha :)

Anyways, besides the weather being gloomy, I see myself finding joy in the little things. Such as meeting new friends and discussing everything under the sun because talking is fun to do. Or going to the basketball games and watching our team win at the buzzer.

It's little things like that that get me through my days here. School is hard. Drama happens. It rains on my fabulous hair (just kidding :). Stuff happens that can darken my day.

I'm not going to let it get me down! There is so much joy to be found in the little things and it's a great feeling.

Day 29: Parents

This post is going to be a little different, due to the fact that I am writing it in the middle of the afternoon instead of the middle of the night. I was inspired so I guess I should let it out, right?

What I want to write about now is my parents. I love them! I don't think I have told them lately how thankful I am for their love and support. They have supported me in every way possible. They even stuck with me when the last thing I wanted was to talk to them about my life. I probably will never know how badly I hurt them but I definitely know it was a deep hurt.

My parents raised me phenomenally. I see so much of myself in each of them. It is so awesome to pin-point which parent I got a certain feature from. I got my love for writing and animals from my mom. I got my sense of humor (that gets me in trouble sometimes!) and my semi-nerdy computer skills from my dad.

I'm so glad that my parents are the parents God blessed me with. They really are great :)

Since I know my mom will read this, I want to say that I am not writing this because I am going to ask you to buy me something. Promise :) I really love you guys and just wanted to tell you and tell the whole wide world!

Day 26: Basketball

Confession time!

I miss playing basketball. I really really really do. I had such a blast! I know I can't play anymore because of my knee and whatnot, and I really don't have time to commit to it of course. I just wish I could play more often.

I think I will try and make it a habit of going to the gym more often! First of all, I really want to get in better shape. Second, it will give me a chance to get my shot back ;)

Another confession for you.

I absolutely love watching Liberty basketball!!! I have gone to every home game so far and I seriously can't get enough. It's such a good time and always fun to get away from the books for a couple hours.

The next game is Monday night and my friend Vanessa and I are going to go. There is a boy's game on Thursday and Saturday. We will go to both. :)

Anyways, nothing inspiring tonight. I'm tired from the week and I have another one ahead of me that will be a long one as well. I just wanted to tell you something about myself. :)

Goodnight, friends.

Day 23: Continued

Dear Future Husband,

I love you. I pray for you everyday. I hope you're really really awesome. I can't wait to meet you! :)

Love,

Courtney

Day 23: Praise

You guys have NO idea how happy I am right now! First of all, I have been reading my Daily Bible every night before I go to bed and every time God speaks to me through several verses. I write them in my journal along with a little prayer and just some thoughts about the verses.

I know God has blessed me so much in life. But honestly, I have never felt so "connected" you could say. Some people are able to just hear the voice of God in their mind and know exactly what He wants. But for me, it really has just started this last couple weeks. Especially when I read my Bible every night.

Tonight was absolutely amazing. I went to supper with my friend Vanessa and we had an amazing talk about life and just things that are close to our hearts. After that, Vanessa was going to meet her other girlfriend at campus church. I was thinking, "well I have a speech to finish and so I don't need to go to church".

Well, I just really felt that I needed to go. I didn't really know why, I just felt that tugging on my heart. I'm really glad I went. You have NO idea. God spoke to me in a very powerful way about the sin in my life and how God loves me no matter what and how I can let it go to God and move on with my life. IT'S AMAZING.

I'm just really happy, you guys. I just feel like things are going well and I've never heard and seen God speak to me like He has. It's going to be a good semester.

Actually, it will be fabulous. :)

Day 21: Continued

Dear Husband,

How are classes going for you? I hope you are loving where you are in life :)

Love you :D

- Courtney

Day 21: Successful

I made it through the first day of my second semester of school at Liberty University! And I officially have made it through five semesters of college and this is now my sixth :D This is exciting. I'm almost to the end. It is in sight!

My MWF classes seem to be pretty good classes and I think I will definitely enjoy them. I actually found out that my 8:50 class only meets on Wednesdays! How great is that! We pretty much do our homework on our own and will have stuff due or quizzes on Wednesdays.

Tomorrow I have my three upper level COMS classes and I'm nervous about them I must admit. I'm going to stay optimistic and not get too nervous. I want to enjoy them and learn a lot :)

Well, I am going to go to bed now. I have all my classes tomorrow back to back so I will be in the classrooms from 9:14-1:40. Should be a good time, right?! :P

Love you allllll! Sorry I've been such a downer in my posts. I'm just getting through a rough time but I feel a lot better. So, I'll try to be happy Courtney again. Night night!

Day 20: Annoying

So this blog post is going to pretty much be one big "vent fest". I'm just annoyed with a lot of things in life right now. Especially when people do annoying things to me or my friends and it makes me wonder what planet they are from. You know what I mean?!

First off all, people need to keep to their own business. I'm so tired of noses being where they aren't supposed to be. The other day someone called my best friend stupid for something that a) wasn't stupid at all and b) was absolutely NOT his concern. So that was just really rude of him to say. Oh, and he doesn't really know her that well so that just adds to the reasons why he is annoying me.

Second, people who drive like they don't know what winter in ND is like. I mean, really?! Why do you need to drive a school bus on icy, snow-drifted roads going 65? I know 65 isn't very fast but at the same time, it's winter. You should seriously slow down and think about how uninviting the ditch is. I don't know, guys. I was just annoyed by it because it's just common sense to slow down on ice. Did I mention that this guy was riding my tail for about 10 minutes before he passed me? Well, he was. I was going 55. haha! :)

Third. Some people must think my best friend and I are idiots. I won't go into details because it's a long story but basically I think these people thought we had no brains. Well, I do have a brain. Which is why I am writing this right now, actually.

End of venting. It's been a few days and things have just added up and I couldn't hold it in :) so thank you for listening to my venting and I hope you are inspired to go vent! (just kidding) :P

Day 17: Continued

Dear Future Husband,

I wonder where you go to school...it should be interesting to talk about someday why we chose our colleges and what we learned from our time there.

Love ya!

-Courtney

Day 17: Bummer

So I only have one more day at home and then it's back to being a college girl with classes to attend, drama to dislike, and stress to make my hair fall out. This break has been pretty relaxing for me and I have had a lot of time to think. So why don't I feel ready to go back to the daily grind of college?

I would be lying if I said I won't miss North Dakota. Now, I don't mean the freezing cold or the snow or anything like that. I mean, I miss my world. My family means everything to me and I'm so far away from them. I know I will have to break away from them someday as I become my own person. That's really hard when they mean the world to me.

This semester is about to start and I feel so disconnected already. Maybe once I get into the swing of it again I will start to feel better. I think I have just been thinking so much about my life that I am freaking myself out and starting to doubt my choices.

Even though I know I have things to get figured out in my life, I still feel so lost. Lost like a cute little cocker spaniel puppy... ;)

I guess my prayer is just that I get some stuff figured out and I really find myself. My path in life has seemed so fuzzy and I really want God to clear that up for me and show me exactly what direction to go. Because, I really can't do this on my own. I'm struggling for real, people.

Day 16: Continued

Dear Future Husband,

What's your favorite color?

Love you :)

-Courtney

Day 16: Pink

"Pink is not just a color; it is an attitude"

So tonight I don't feel like writing something very serious at all so I'm just going to write about something goofy! I am going to tell you about how much I love the color pink :)

Let's just say, if I could have everything in my life the color pink I probably would! My dream car, for instance, is a pink WV Beetle. If you have one, please let me buy it! Or you can donate it to me. Either one works for me ;)

I have pink suitcases. A pink make-up box. Pink clothes. Pretty much 80% of what I own is pink and I definitely love it!

I have nothing really inspiring to say to you guys tonight. I love the color pink and I sure hope you do too! Pink is fabulous :)

Day 12-15: Continued

Dear Future Husband,

This weekend has been insanely fun but also really busy! :) I wonder what you did this weekend and what kinds of things you enjoy doing. I can't wait for God to mold our lives and passions together and who knows what things in life we will accomplish!

Love you!

-Courtney

Day 12-15: Thinking

First of all, sorry for not writing for a few days! I have been so busy and honestly haven't had more than a few minutes at the computer. But here I am and I have a lot to say :)

This last few days has consisted of a lot of thinking. I went to bed one night and seriously freaked out about my life! I really think I had a mid-life crisis...and I am almost 21. This is insane, friends.

I tried SO hard to be everything my ex-boyfriend wanted me to be (even though it was never good enough). By doing that, I forgot to think about what I might want from life. Who do I want to be and what do I want in life are questions that I forgot to ask myself for so long. I feel like I am facing the repercussions of that now because I'm having to really take a hard look at my life.

My best friend and I spent the last few days together moving her into school and having a mini road trip. We had THE best conversations and I'm so glad I was able to reflect on life with her and really gain some really good advice. We are sort of at the same point in life and it's really nice having someone to go through this journey with. I don't feel totally alone, so that is nice!

So, what do I want for my life? I haven't fully figured it out yet. I don't think it will just come to me overnight, of course. But I will be whole-heartedly seek God's will for my life.

I don't want to let some guy telling me who to be. I'm going to figure out what I want and I trust that God will fit a man into that plan perfectly. I'm sick of being the one who always says, "well I will change my plans for you, ____".

Seriously, I'm done doing that. I wasted so much time trying to be the perfect person for that jerk and I forgot who I really am. I'm trying to figure out who I am now. I don't care if anyone gets offended by this because you know what? I'm just trying to be honest. Honesty brings healing and I'm all about healing!

Day 11: Continued

Dear Future Husband,

I just know you will be a guy who will be worth it. I will be worth it to you, and you will fight for me. I just know it! You're amazing. I don't know who you are yet but I just know that God has a real man out there for me :)

Love you!

-Courtney

Day 11: Dragging

So I had quite the experience with our dog tonight. This afternoon he got out of his collar when I was walking him and he would not let me catch him until a few hours later. It was absolutely freezing outside so I let him come inside for awhile.

He took a little nap...ate a little dog food...drank a little water. Had a jolly ole' time in the house with the me and the cats.

Well. Then the fun began. About an hour ago I figured it was time to take him back out to his kennel. So I put his harness/collar thing on and we got two feet out the door and he planted his stubborn legs into the ground. By the way, he is a german shepherd/chow and weighs about 50 pounds I would say. Very, very stubborn.

I was like, great. How am I going to get him all the way across the yard to his kennel? So, I drug him. Yep. I literally grabbed him by his harness and dragged him across the yard. About half way he decided that wasn't so fun so he started walking for me. Let's just say I was pretty annoyed.

What does this have to do with anything? What I felt for about two minutes just a little bit ago was what I felt for the last year and a half of my past relationship. I felt like I was dragging along someone who had his feet dug into the ground. That, my friends, isn't even close to being a pleasant feeling.

If you are in a relationship where you have to drag the other person around like dead weight, please get out of it. If your significant other can't put in 100%, then in my opinion they are not worth your time.

I want a guy who I don't have to drag along. I did that once and I seriously won't do it again.

Day 10: Continued

Dear Future Husband,

I really hope you have a great bunch of guy friends who support and love you. And I hope someday our friends can all be friends and that would just be very cool :)

Love ya!

-Courtney

Day 10: Friends

You know what? Even though I love chocolate, I think I could live without it. But friends? No way.

I love the girlfriends I have in my life right now. They are my support system and I have not once felt all alone because of their love for me. I have such a good time whenever I get together with my girls. We never run out of fun things to do and I just feel so alive!

This post is going to be very short but that is what is on my mind right now. I love my girls and I could not ask for a better group to call my best friends :)

Goodnight everyone :))

Day 9: Continued

Dear Future Husband,

I promise that when we meet, I will love you unconditionally. You are worth it to me.

:)

Love you!

-Courtney

Day 9: Unconditional

Sorry I didn't write this post yesterday. :) But here are my thoughts that I had yesterday about love. Oh, yes. Love.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people tell me that long distance doesn't work. You might say, "well yeah, Courtney. Obviously it worked out great for you." And I guess you have a point. But you know what? I made it work for over three years and it took every single ounce of energy I had. At it wasn't meant to last any longer for many reasons but that is a different story.

Putting behind what I went through, don't you think that if you truly love someone it wouldn't matter if you were miles apart? I don't think you should base your love for someone on how many times a week you can kiss them. I mean, honestly. If you really love someone, you would do anything to make it work.

I might have vented a little bit, but I'm really sick of people having excuses why love can't work. If you don't have the drive to make it work, then obviously you aren't ready for it and you are just wasting another person's time.

The end. :)

Day 8: Continued

Dear Future Husband,

I don't have a lot to say tonight because the cough syrup is starting to kick in. I hope you are doing well wherever you may be right now.

Love always,

Courtney

Day 8: Hair

Well, friends, this bronchitis is officially kicking my butt. So this post is going to be short and to the point. Disclaimer: I will be venting!

I'm getting my hair done next week! So excited about that. :) But one of the things I enjoy about being single is the fact that I no longer have someone telling me how much they don't like my hair. I mean, really? Is it your hair? No. So do you have a say in what I do to it? No. Do I care what you think? No.

I really wish I could have learned to say that but I didn't. Now I realize that if you can't love me even though my hair is not precisely what you think it should be, well then you are not worth my time.

While looks are important, true beauty is on the inside. So whether my hair is blonde, red, black or brunette, it really should not matter because if someone loves me then they won't really care.

This is the end of my venting session. Thank you for listening :) But seriously, people. No one enjoys getting their hair done, being excited about it, and then having some jerk tell them it's not good enough. Am I right or am I right?

Day 7: Continued

Dear Future Husband,

Do you watch the Bachelor? If you do, that is an easy 10 points. :) Just kidding! I wonder what shows you do watch and why you watch them. I hope we will be able to find shows to enjoy together. I'm still sick but I am taking medicine so I hope I feel better soon. Love you always :)

-Courtney

Day 7: Bachelor

Confession time! I love The Bachelor. I don't care what anyone else says. It is seriously my favorite show on ABC. I got to watch the season premiere tonight! My whole family watched it with me and a few times I had to "shush" my dad because he kept analyzing the show.

Anyways, I really really really love this show. I also love the Bachelorette. Since I don't have a TV at school I watch it online, usually on Wednesdays. I really look forward to it each week and it sort of like my guilty pleasure.

What intrigues me most about this season is Brad Womack. Not only is he pretty decent looking, his story also interests me. He was on the Bachelor three years ago, but he left the two woman and did not pick either of them. In his three years until now, he has been seeing a therapist for his issues and has really tried to become a better man.

I really think he is sincere and has really changed. A lot of people probably think he is a fraud, but I honestly think he definitely deserves a second chance to find love. There are a few girls on the show that I think are really cute and sweet and I can't wait to see what happens :)

Also, I might be considering going on the show...what do you think? ;)

Day 6: Continued

Dear Future Husband,

All I have to say is that you better bring your A-game if you plan on playing Kinect with my family! :) We have lots of fun and I really hope you have a great family who can just join in with us, even if it is something silly. Laughing is one of my favorite things to do and I really hope you have a wonderful, joyful sense of humor.

Love you! :)

-Courtney

Day 6: Kinect

Alright, friends. Tonight's post is not going to be that inspirational in the sense that it is really an jaw-dropping, radical topic or anything. However, it is very close to my heart you could say, and therefore I want to share it with you.

I LOVE KINECT.

Crazy, right?! First of all, the fact that a gaming system like Kinect is available is pretty cool. I don't know what kind of work went into making it but I bet it was pretty hard to design. Enough with the nerd stuff.

What I really love about the Kinect is how much fun my family had playing it tonight. From beach volleyball to three rounds of bowling, lots of laughs were had and a lot of sore losers had their share of venting. (Not me, though. I lose gracefully :)

I seriously loved playing with my family tonight. My parents, brother, and sister-in-law are my best friends. Even though I am totally sick and my throat is killing me, I would not trade a night like this for the world. It was fabulous. And when I say fabulous, I mean, amazing.

I hope you all have great families who you can share moments like these with. :)

Goodnight, friends. I have a date with NyQuill.

Day 5: Continued

Dear Future Husband,

I sure hope you know how to play doctor and/or are a doctor because this girl seems to always get sick! :)

Love you.

-Courtney

Day 5: Cold

Happy New Year to me! I woke up this morning sick and I feel like poo :( So needless to say I have not really had any inspiration today. Which makes me sad because I feel like I would rather write something great instead of a really short post.

But I have to be honest. I don't know what to say tonight. I love to write and it is a passion of mine, but sometimes I guess I will hit a wall and not have anything amazing to say. And tonight is one of those nights :)

I didn't want to do this, but I guess I will do what everyone else does and write about my resolutions for 2011. Most people have a list of things they want to change about themselves. How can I change my attitude? Or lose 5 pounds? Or eat less chocolate?

I actually didn't really sit down and make a list this year. But I guess I have to make it now, don't I? Let's see. I want to be more active. I want to finish this journey strong. I want to memorize more Scripture. I want to keep my room clean (yeah right). I want to be a better friend. I want to keep my GPA and maybe even boost it.

Those are my resolutions for 2011. Exciting, right?! ;)

I think I am going to go to bed early tonight. This cold is kicking my butt. I hope you all had a great day and I will try and write something more inspiring tomorrow.