Day 94: Miami

Hi everyone!

So starting today this blog won't be me whining!

My heart completely changed when I went to Miami on my missions trip. From seeing suffering kids and parents in the projects to witnessing and speaking on the street, my heart was broken.

I truly praise God for what He did in my life over spring break. I have finally starting finding myself and who I am in Christ. It's honestly amazing!!

I am also in the process of applying to work for OAC (open air campaigners). That is the missions organization that I went on the trip with. I'm really excited for the opportunity to work there after I graduate! :)

I also made some AMAZING friends! I love these people. They have been my support system and we do stuff almost every other night. I love them.

I love God. I love my life. I love Miami.

Day 71: Direction

Disclaimer: this post will be a little bit of venting as well as a bit of pouting. Get over it people! haha I have feelings and you're gonna just have to suffer and listen to them. Well, read them.

So basically my life has not gone as planned. My life plan was this: date, get engaged my junior year, and then be married after I graduate. Has this happened? Obviouslyyyy not. Am I ok with it? Ummm sort of.

Sometimes I catch myself getting really depressed about my life and how it has gone. But then I start to think to myself, ok courtney. You've made it this far. You're alive and healthy. You have a great family and great friends who love you. You have God who never fails. He has a plan. It's under control.

And even though I know all that, it really is hard to believe it in my heart. I have to be honest with you guys. I have doubts. It's a daily struggle for me to be happy. I have so much on my plate this semester. I'm getting through it day by day.

Baby steps. That's what I have to do. Just go day by day and survive.

Day 66: Confident

Yeah yeah yeah. I know. It's been awhile. I'm not even going to make an excuse. Except that I have been busy. But that's the only one I got :)

Anyways, a lot has been going on so let's just do an overview! I turned 21 last week! And no, I don't drink and I have zero interest in drinking. Second, I have had a presentation or test seriously about every day this last week and a half. It has been crazy busy for me. I have survived!

So I'm not going to tell you the whole story, but basically there has been some drama in my life this last week. Someone I thought was my friend pretty much said she doesn't like me at all and stuff like that. It was pretty shocking and blind sided me to be honest. I'm not trying to bash her on here...just going to make a point.

I never have been a super confident person, especially about how I look and things like that. You might be thinking, "no Courtney..you're pretty" and yes. I know God made me in His image, therefore, I am beautiful.

I just have never looked at myself in the mirror and been totally satisfied with the woman I see. Part of the reason is because of the fact that I had an abusive ex who made me feel bad about myself. It also has to do with how society portrays beauty. I don't need to tell you about that because I'm sure everyone feels like that at some point in their lives.

Honestly, I have been single for almost 7 months and over this time I have learned to love myself. I don't walk around with an attitude or anything like that. Those who really know me understand who I really am. But rather, I have decided that what my ex said about me isn't the truth. I see myself to be beautiful now. I haven't felt that way about myself for years, and it's honestly nice to be satisfied with how I look.

I just want to encourage you guys to look at yourself and know that God made you to be beautiful. Don't let someone tell you otherwise. And ladies, if your boyfriend is telling you that you are ugly, fat, not good enough, DUMP HIM. Please don't let someone degrade you. It's not worth it.