Day 2: Walls

So I am seriously loving this blogging thing. Honestly! It is such a great way to keep myself accountable as well as hopefully bless someone else's life through the process. I know I will grow into a better woman through this, but impacting someone's life would be a huge blessing as well. So thank you for reading what I have to say : )

Today's post is about walls. What I mean by this is those walls we put up after being hurt. We all do it, so it's not a shocker. And if you have never put your wall up, then congrats! I envy you for never having your heart broken. But seriously, no one is like that so I guess I am just being facetious.

You probably wouldn't know it, but I have a HUGE wall around my heart right now. It's a big brick wall in the shade of pink. Yes, pink. Red is gross in my opinion. Anyways, back to the moral of the story :)

This wall has been up for awhile now and hasn't quite been able to fall all the way down. I know I have a long way to go before that ever tumbles down, but boy oh boy do I want it to. I really don't like feeling like I can't trust. I don't know when I will be able to fully trust a man, but I guess I have to fully trust God to be able to trust a man who, shockingly, will have faults just like me.

Another reason I am really serious about my one-year journey with God is because I honestly don't know who I am anymore. Those of you who know me well, you know my story. But for those who don't, I was in a relationship for 3.5 years (yessss I know. Long time) and it, for the majority, was not good. I'm not ashamed to say that there was a ton of verbal abuse thrown at me, and I put up for it for way too long.

It is hard to know exactly who you are after someone breaks your heart like my ex did. I started to believe a lot of lies and those lies sink it deep, you know? They don't just disappear over night or just because you aren't with that guy anymore. Some issues I still have to wake up each day and make myself believe that God does not see me the way my ex did.

I have decided that I am not going to live as a victim anymore. What he did to me was inexcusable and I'm still working on the forgiving part. But what really matters is that I have a Father who loves me for exactly who I am and He made me this way for a special guy.

And that guy is going to love every single thing about me, and not try to change who I am. That makes me really happy to know that I am so special to God that He would create a guy just for me. I want a guy who will love me the way God loves me: unconditional.