Day 163: Goodbye

I guess it's gonna have to hurt.

I guess I'm gonna have to cry.

And let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side.

I guess it's gonna break me down, like falling when you try to fly.

It's sad....but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life

Starts with goodbye.

Day 129: Survival

Next week at this time I will have completed my first year at Liberty. This, my friends, is honestly hard to believe. I have been through so much in the last year that I don’t know how I am making it out alive. So much stress, drama, and disappointment have darkened my door.

While that has happened, I have also had a lot of amazing moments. I have the best friends possible. These people love me for me, despite the mistakes and flaws. At the end of the day, I know whom I can call at 2 in the morning.

I also went to Miami and learned a lot about myself and about God and about helping others. I think I know what I want to do with my life. Even though I am not totally sure, I might try and see if that direction is open to me.

I would like to make a shout out to a few people who really have impacted my life.

First, I would like to thank my parents. Their love and support is more than I deserve and more than I could ask for. I love them so much and I’m excited to come home and spend the summer with them. I can’t believe my time with them is going by so fast and soon I have to be on my own. I won’t be ready for that I don’t think, because they are my best friends.

Second, my best friend in the world: Lizzy. I have missed her greatly and I can’t wait to see my soul sister in just a few weeks. She means the world to me. Without her support and love, I would not have survived. I miss making videos with her and eating too many hot tamales. I hope we can hang out a million times this summer. I love you. Thank you bestie.

Third, I would love to thank my best friend here at Liberty. Her name is Vanessa. This girl and I have gone through the ring of fire and have made it on the other side. We are smarter people and we know so much more than we did last year. She and I can laugh about anything and coffee dates with her are the best. I love this girl and can’t wait to see her again in the fall. We plan on going to every single basketball game and having plenty of hang out nights at my apartment. I love you Vanessa. :)

Fifth, I have to thank God. As the song goes, ‘You are my strength when I am weak’ and I definitely have been weak this year. God has opened doors for me and shown me my worth. I have been blessed beyond words.

Thank you readers. I hope I impact just one person’s life. That would make all this writing worth it.

Day 113: Ending

I just want to tell ya'll that I appreciate you reading my blog. I know I post very randomly and not everyday like I used to. Yet, you keep with me and I really like that. So, thank you. :)

So what I wanted to write about today is something very exciting and yet a little sad. I am done with my third year of college in three weeks. I'm going home soon! As crazy as it sounds, I can't wait to get back home and work again. I also, as you know, love my family so much and I have been waiting to see them all since Christmas break.

The sad part is leaving my friends. Their are definitely some people in my life who it will be hard to leave. But I love them so very much and can't wait to see them again. :)

Another cool thing is that I am going to Tennessee for Easter break this weekend! Yayyy for adventures and some home-cooked meals. I have never been there before but some family friends have invited me. I'm really excited and it is such a blessing that I am going. I do miss going home for Easter break, but this is such a great family and they're so sweet for taking me under their wing.

That's about all I have for you guys. Sorry it isn't inspiring but hey. It's been awhile. :) love you all!

Day 94: Miami

Hi everyone!

So starting today this blog won't be me whining!

My heart completely changed when I went to Miami on my missions trip. From seeing suffering kids and parents in the projects to witnessing and speaking on the street, my heart was broken.

I truly praise God for what He did in my life over spring break. I have finally starting finding myself and who I am in Christ. It's honestly amazing!!

I am also in the process of applying to work for OAC (open air campaigners). That is the missions organization that I went on the trip with. I'm really excited for the opportunity to work there after I graduate! :)

I also made some AMAZING friends! I love these people. They have been my support system and we do stuff almost every other night. I love them.

I love God. I love my life. I love Miami.

Day 71: Direction

Disclaimer: this post will be a little bit of venting as well as a bit of pouting. Get over it people! haha I have feelings and you're gonna just have to suffer and listen to them. Well, read them.

So basically my life has not gone as planned. My life plan was this: date, get engaged my junior year, and then be married after I graduate. Has this happened? Obviouslyyyy not. Am I ok with it? Ummm sort of.

Sometimes I catch myself getting really depressed about my life and how it has gone. But then I start to think to myself, ok courtney. You've made it this far. You're alive and healthy. You have a great family and great friends who love you. You have God who never fails. He has a plan. It's under control.

And even though I know all that, it really is hard to believe it in my heart. I have to be honest with you guys. I have doubts. It's a daily struggle for me to be happy. I have so much on my plate this semester. I'm getting through it day by day.

Baby steps. That's what I have to do. Just go day by day and survive.

Day 66: Confident

Yeah yeah yeah. I know. It's been awhile. I'm not even going to make an excuse. Except that I have been busy. But that's the only one I got :)

Anyways, a lot has been going on so let's just do an overview! I turned 21 last week! And no, I don't drink and I have zero interest in drinking. Second, I have had a presentation or test seriously about every day this last week and a half. It has been crazy busy for me. I have survived!

So I'm not going to tell you the whole story, but basically there has been some drama in my life this last week. Someone I thought was my friend pretty much said she doesn't like me at all and stuff like that. It was pretty shocking and blind sided me to be honest. I'm not trying to bash her on here...just going to make a point.

I never have been a super confident person, especially about how I look and things like that. You might be thinking, "no Courtney..you're pretty" and yes. I know God made me in His image, therefore, I am beautiful.

I just have never looked at myself in the mirror and been totally satisfied with the woman I see. Part of the reason is because of the fact that I had an abusive ex who made me feel bad about myself. It also has to do with how society portrays beauty. I don't need to tell you about that because I'm sure everyone feels like that at some point in their lives.

Honestly, I have been single for almost 7 months and over this time I have learned to love myself. I don't walk around with an attitude or anything like that. Those who really know me understand who I really am. But rather, I have decided that what my ex said about me isn't the truth. I see myself to be beautiful now. I haven't felt that way about myself for years, and it's honestly nice to be satisfied with how I look.

I just want to encourage you guys to look at yourself and know that God made you to be beautiful. Don't let someone tell you otherwise. And ladies, if your boyfriend is telling you that you are ugly, fat, not good enough, DUMP HIM. Please don't let someone degrade you. It's not worth it.

Day 55: Satisfied

I feel like most people in my position (that being single) would probably be really unhappy and lonely and whatnot. I have to be honest. Yeah, I get lonely and I wish I had a boyfriend. But I actually feel really satisfied with my life right now. Being single is a blessing. It gives us time to grow as an individual.

Honestly? I like having to just think about myself. Now, I'm not trying to sound selfish in any way, so don't get me wrong. haha. What I mean is, I am enough to deal with! Adding someone else into that isn't going to help me right now. Being alone is for the best. I will grow from this and then I'll be ready.

I'm so excited for my missions trip to Miami. You guys have NO idea. I'm super excited! I'm just counting down the days for it. This is going to push me out of my comfort zone but I'm ready. This is just going to make my journey that much better.

I'm on day 55. This is so cool. I am one-seventh of the way done with this journey. :) be proud of me friends. I am proud of myself and confident that I will make it through and come out a better woman.

Love you all!